Feeling Forgotten
When you have a child with a diagnosis, the first months of receiving that diagnosis feel a bit like putting out fires. Everyone grabs a bucket and brings water to lessen the height of the flames. People offer help constantly: meals, child care, financial support, and more. Some of my sweetest memories from those days were when people would show up without even calling — a meal in hand. When the flames are high, calling before you come isn't necessary anymore. There is a fire. All social graces go out the window when the need is so urgent.
This is how we function when the world is “normal.” There are no considerations for masks, the risk of homemade food, or the risk of being in the presence of another. We just show up with our casseroles and willing hands. We show up with our buckets of water.
The implications of the last year have changed the way that we love one another. Why? Because everyone else seems to have a fire to put out, too. Everyone I speak to lately has flames to battle: job loss, childcare loss, loneliness, anxiety, depression... you name it!
We are more disconnected than ever because of the new culture of social distancing — a term we did not hear until this year. It is difficult to know when my friend is struggling with her child’s diagnosis when I don’t see her. “Out of sight, out of mind” is a true phenomenon.
Alone in the Fire
If you are a parent of a child with a diagnosis, you might feel forgotten in 2020. Where are the people who used to come with the buckets of water? Is anyone praying for us anymore? Does anyone care? With the world seemingly on fire, it's easy to believe the lie that what you and your family are going through doesn’t matter. It’s easy to fall into the pattern of not asking for help and not asking for prayer. You think, “Everyone else has their own stuff to deal with... now is not the time to be needy.”
We can shame ourselves into believing that our family troubles are nothing in comparison to that big thing in the news today. Our shame drives us to silence and isolation. We become disconnected and begin to believe the lie that we are alone.
Dear friends, please hear me when I say it is a mark of bravery and humility when you speak up and say, “My house is burning down! Please come with the buckets!” Make the phone call. Send the text. Add your prayer request to the church chain. Speak up and allow your needs to be heard.
You Are Not Alone
I also want to encourage you with the truth that Christ is with you in the fire. When your friends and family do not notice you standing alone and fighting your fire with a single bucket, your God surrounds you on all sides. He is with you and will never leave you:
Those who trust in the LORD are like Mount Zion,
which cannot be moved, but abides forever.
As the mountains surround Jerusalem,
so the LORD surrounds his people,
from this time forth and forevermore.
Psalm 125:1-2
Pause and meditate on the imagery of being surrounded by God. To be surrounded by Him is to be guarded, to be protected on all sides. Speak truth to your heart: “I am not alone...the Lord surrounds me.”
“You are a hiding place for me;
you preserve me from trouble;
you surround me with shouts of deliverance.”
Psalm 32:7
When the fire is raging, when appointments need to be made, when bills pile up, when uncertainty grows… You, O Lord, are my hiding place. You surround me and shout over me, “You are delivered!”
The truth is, it is completely valid to feel alone in this world, even before 2020. David speaks of this feeling as he hid in a cave, hiding from Saul who wanted to kill him:
“Look to the right and see:
there is none who takes notice of me;
no refuge remains to me;
no one cares for my soul.”
Psalm 142:4
I love how this Psalm ends as David affirms that indeed the Lord is his refuge, even when he feels so alone and so low:
“I cry to you, O Lord;
I say, ‘You are my refuge,
my portion in the land of the living.’
Attend to my cry,
for I am brought very low!
Deliver me from my persecutors,
for they are too strong for me!
Bring me out of prison,
that I may give thanks to your name!
The righteous will surround me,
for you will deal bountifully with me.”
Psalm 142:5-7
Heavenly Father, may we be people who are quick to pull the fire alarm when we need help. May we also be people who show up with buckets of water. Open our eyes to see who needs help and encouragement. Oh Lord, give us endurance in the heat of the fire! May we trust in your unfailing presence. Thank you for surrounding us on all sides. Thank you for the hope of deliverance. Amen.
If you feel alone in these challenging days, please let us know how we can pray for you here in our Hello Hope community!
About the Author
Mary Brantley Meade lives in Atlanta, Georgia with her husband and three young children. Her background is early childhood education, and she most recently received a masters in counseling from Westminster Theological Seminary. When she’s not counseling or writing, you can find her enjoying the outdoors with her family.