How to Listen Well When Life is Crazy
Each of us wears an incredible number of hats in our life. For me, it’s something like this: husband, dad, son, friend, employee, volunteer, and the list goes on. With each role, we carry roles, responsibilities, and things to remember. And as life would have it, there’s always the unexpected. In the case of our blog, we tend to focus on the unexpected medical struggles that can come up at any given time.
Today, we’re in a season where the medical challenges aren’t as much in the forefront, but other things are vying for my time like family, job, volunteer time, etc. This spring I’ve been thinking a lot about whether or not — in the midst of the noise and responsibilities — I’ve been listening well.
The more I’ve thought about it, the more I’ve realized that I have a long way to go in becoming a good listener. I’m working on this on a daily basis, but I thought I’d share some of the things that have been challenging — and encouraging.
Why is it important to listen?
One of the things that medical struggles tend to do is put life into perspective. When our story started, I remember feeling like caring for Audra and focusing on maintaining a strong marriage with Mary Beth were top priorities in my life. Suddenly, in the face of our personal circumstances, it felt more reasonable to work on renegotiating a few deadlines at work.
At the time, I knew that I wanted to prioritize these relationships, but I didn’t know what to do other than try to carve out more time to spend with Mary Beth and our girls. I know that taking time with them is an important way to invest in our relationship, but I’m learning that time isn’t enough.
Today I realize that listening well is one of the most critical elements in making the most of the time that we spend with each other and genuinely connecting with each other. There have been many times when I was with the family and realized that I had let my mind wander to challenges at work or things on my to-do list. These moments sting because I know that I’ve wasted an opportunity to invest and be present with the dearest people in my life.
I think that listening well has the power to unlock deep and fulfilling relationships.
Practical tips for listening well
Since the topic of listening has been particularly on my mind more the last few months, I’ve been working on some practical things that you may find helpful, too.
Put down electronics
Electronics have brought an amazing amount of convenience to my life. Tools like If This Then That, Siri, Evernote, and Google Maps (to name a few) have made me more efficient. On top of that, I use my phone regularly for my job. But I also know the constant buzzing and dinging of my phone can make listening a challenge — if not impossible at times.
There are times that I have to put my phone on “Do Not Disturb” mode or leave it on the counter and walk away so I can have some uninterrupted human interaction with my family. This isn’t easy because the constant electronic activity has me reaching for my phone out of habit, but I know it’s worth it to be able to listen to a story, hear about the school day, or talk about a difficult experience and actually take it in.
Make a list of things to clear your mind
Another challenge for me is the seemingly endless list of things to remember. If I’m trying to recall “that thing I was supposed to do” or if I’m mentally running through all of the tasks I need to complete tomorrow, I can guarantee, the person I'm talking to doesn’t have my full attention. For me, having a list (electronic or paper) helps me to clear my head so I can concentrate on listening.
Give mental buffer time between tasks or environments
When schedules get hectic, I can regularly find myself going from one meeting or conversation right into another. This can be particularly challenging when I’m taking work phone calls on my way home and right up to the moment that I pull into the driveway.
I was given some advice to make sure that I leave enough buffer between things — even 10 or 15 minutes — to regroup before the next activity. This particularly applied to my commute home. The times that I take the last 10 minutes of my ride to prepare my mind and heart for my family and to pray for our time together makes a noticeable impact on how well I listen and engage when I see my family.
Ask God to give you an open mind and heart
The last tip, and probably most important, that I’ve been trying to put into practice is simply asking God to give me a heart that is excited to listen. I have a long way to go, but I believe that God is already answering this prayer in me. I know it’s a process, but He has been changing my heart and realigning my priorities.