What to Read When You Are Overwhelmed with Medical Care
One of my favorite things to do at the beach is to stand in the ocean and jump the waves. It’s enjoyable as long as the waves are manageable in frequency and strength. I prefer the ones that don’t break over you, the ones that you glide through without a splash. If I get pummeled by large waves that overpower or surprise me, it is no longer my favorite thing. You can only get enough salt water up your nose before you feel the need to retreat and collapse on the sand.
This is the best way that I know to describe the experience of going to constant doctor appointments. The weeks with just a couple sprinkled in are manageable and helpful, but when we have heavier weeks, the load is just too much. It overwhelms me, and I struggle to come up for air.
During medical appointments and therapy sessions, medical professionals usually call on the parent to rehearse the child’s medical history. The conversation centers on those things that are atypical or unhealthy. We major on the cannots since this is the jumping off point for treatment.
This is where I get overwhelmed. It’s not really the driving or arranging childcare that is difficult—it’s the rehearsing of hard things. Heavy appointment weeks lead me to a place of grief. We grieve the cannots, the milestones not met, and the medical interventions required.
Balancing Grief With Gratitude
My grieving heart must be balanced with gratitude. As I am called on to rehearse the hard things, it becomes even more important that I spent time rehearsing God’s never ending faithfulness.
One activity I do with myself on occasion when the grief begins to overwhelm me is make a list. On one side of the paper, I list my grief. On the other side of the paper, I list my gratitude. I then use this worksheet to pray. Here is an example:
| I am grieving... | I am grateful for... |
|---|---|
| My son needs the feeding tube. He cannot eat or drink like other children. | We have access to excellent medical care. This equipment is keeping him alive. |
| The bills are piling up. Every surgery, every therapy session, every consultation adds to the load. | The bills are getting paid. Allelujah! Thank you, Lord, for providing for us. |
| Many of his challenges are unexplained. | God made my child and He loves him more than I do. He knows exactly what’s going on. |
| I don’t know what to do next. I lack wisdom. I feel helpless. | The Lord has carried us through every step. He will continue to lead us. God gives wisdom to those who ask. He is my helper. |
I believe it is helpful and healthy for my heart to hold both grief and gratitude simultaneously before God. When I shove away the grief and major on the gratitude, I am not authentically walking through the circumstances God has placed me. My gratitude is shallow and contrived. There is a time and place for lament — crying out to God with our hard things.
Conversely, when I neglect the practice of naming all the ways God has been faithful, I forget my hope in God and slip into despair. I am learning that I have to talk to myself and tell myself the truth:
“Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.”
Psalm 42:5-6
Looking Beyond the Waves
Grieving with gratitude says, “This is hard” and “You have never left me or forsaken me” in the same breath. It says, “The waves are high” and “You are with me...you hold my head above the water.”
Gratitude is not our Savior, but gratitude teaches to look for the Savior’s hand.
Dear friends, I am familiar with the grief of having a child with special medical needs. I know what it's like to have to talk about what is wrong more than what’s right. I pray this activity will be helpful in your own time of processing grief before the Lord.
I pray you will cling to the Lord as the waves of grief come over you. Our God is stronger than the mightiest of waves. The grief is loud, but our God is louder. He is trustworthy. He is the One who leads us by the hand to the sand. He will keep us. Keep trusting the One who keeps your head above water.
“The floods have lifted up, O LORD,
The floods have lifted up their voice;
The floods lift up their roaring.
Mightier than the thunders of many waters,
Mightier than the waves of the sea,
The LORD on high is mighty!
Your decrees are very trustworthy;
Holiness befits your house,
O LORD, forevermore.”
Psalm 93:3-5
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.”
Isaiah 43:2-3a
About the Author
Mary Brantley Meade lives in Atlanta, Georgia with her husband and three young children. Her background is early childhood education, and she most recently received a masters in counseling from Westminster Theological Seminary. When she’s not counseling or writing, you can find her enjoying the outdoors with her family.
